Recently I have started to sit with a group, because my best friend wanted to sit with them and I realised, I will be so alone if she goes. I have to sit with them so I don't get lonely. I keep faking and faking to try and be who they want me to be, how to make myself more interesting, it's getting me into trouble at school and at home. The way I act around others is not the way I would normally act around myself. And now I have ruined so many friendships and relationships because of it. Know one really knows who I am, or how I would really act, because it's just fake, not even my best friend know. It's gotten so bad, I lie about almost everything, I am truthful at home and to my family, but at school.. It's a whole other story.
So this new term, I am going to sit alone, and focus on my studies and just get through the day and then go home. It's not because in making school into a negative thing, it's because I don't know how to start over. I say to my friends, " I'm going to act nice," then they laugh and discourage me when to be honest. Legit, they don't know me! I try but I have myself now believing this is who I am, and it's not.
I am just going to focus on my school work and my study for now, but I don't have anyone to sit with for now, because it's too late they already know me, and my friends don't think I'm the sort of person to feel like this, but they don't understand..
Don't sit with someone because you feel like you have to. You may be happier being alone. Or just drift around groups and talk. People who are independent are seen very strong. I wish I was strong enough in school to do it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I wish you still lived next door! Hahah :)
Deleteyeah I know exactly how you feel. I've been in that situation quite a lot! I hope you can open up to your best friend.... she needs to know or else you might loose them. well I don't know you or what your going through but I sort of know where you coming from and how your feeling x
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