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Dear myself and readers,

I don't know if I am lying to myself or to everyone else, I am trying to explain to people but the only person that will listen is my mum, in the next couple of weeks she said I could see a coniziolygist (Therapist) 

I am telling even more lies today, I am blocking people, texts, calls, face times, because I don't feel that I should speak to anyone.

As I said yesterday, I am a stranger to my friends, best friends ad just people who think they know me. 

I'm just joking, it's a lie, for 8 years I have been playing a character, her name is Maddie and she looks like me and sounds like me, and she likes the same things as me but no one would know the difference, not even my closest friends. 

I hve been given some really good advice to float around to other groups. But I have already messed up my relationship with them. I can't be me because of judgement, I wear makeup and people wonder why...

As Vivian says, lies are more interesting than the truth, and I have myself believing it. The saddest part is, half of what I say is a lie, at school I get caught out, by my friends, and teachers and people laugh at me.

I don't do well in my subjects too, because I try and bond with people in class or just don't listen because my brain is thinking what I can come up with to say at lunch, most things I say are a lie, I would lie to something as simple as, what is your favourite colour. It's just hard . 

Thanks for reading if you did, I really appreciate it.

Mainly the point of this is just for me to let it out and to figure out why I am so miserable. 

Everyone thinks I am silly, strong, courageous and the sort of person who doesn't care about anything or other people, it's funny that I started to believe it too...